One of the many things I find interesting about the human condition is the contradictory relationship most of us have with change. We resist it because we find comfort and safety in the familiar. Yet, we crave it because it is essential to our professional and personal growth and well-being.
Although some transitions are difficult, especially when unwelcome, each one also presents an opportunity. You get to explore how to reinvent yourself in light of your new circumstances and desire for a fulfilling life. And if you are in a leadership role, like many of my clients, you get to support others as they do the same.
After spending over fifteen years guiding leaders through situations involving change and reinvention, I want to share some insights and tips you may find helpful.
Why is Reinvention Necessary?
Focusing on what could go wrong if we venture too far from what is “safe” is human nature. Yet change is inevitable, so the journey of self-reinvention is sometimes necessary for everyone. Here are a couple of examples.
You Reach a Milestone or Experience a Life-Changing Event
As we go through life, we set goals, reach milestones, and experience many joys and disappointments. For instance, you might graduate from college, get married, celebrate a significant birthday, get a promotion, become an “empty-nester,” and eventually retire. We plan these events, but we can also experience unexpected ones such as a divorce, layoff, death in the family, or health scare. Each situation, even the expected and desirable ones, results in a transition.
If you are prepared and know what to do next, transitioning from one life circumstance to another can go smoothly. But, more often than not, these things happen, and we feel lost, even if we knew the change was coming.
For example, maybe you turned 30 or 40 and feel unsettled because your career doesn’t look anything like you thought it would at that age. Or, perhaps you went through a divorce or had to face losing a loved one. You would expect to feel tremendous uncertainty and loss after such an event. But you might not expect to experience an identity crisis because you no longer know who you are. That’s when you must figure out how to reinvent yourself.
You Experience the Impact of Rapid Change
Ironically, our desire for safety also puts us at risk of becoming professionally and personally stale or, worse, obsolete. Why?
Many of us grew up believing we would get an education, build a family, and choose a career that would carry us through to retirement. Yet this mindset reflects an archaic reality, with a rigid definition of “family” and pensions for employees who would only live to about 73 years of age. That time is long past.
In today’s world, many of us live into our 90s, and we are not the same person at 6, 18, 33, 45, or 72. Our lives are flush with new people, cultures, norms, and a fluid definition of family and community.
In other words, we are in a period of unprecedented volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity. The underlying calculations behind the traditional “safe” choices no longer apply as entire industries, professions, and communities shift. We must evolve, adapt, and continually redefine what it means to be a productive member of society so we can step into each stage of our lives with purpose and passion. Anything less can make us feel stuck and incapable of moving forward.
What Does it Mean to Reinvent Yourself?
In some ways, reinvention is about aligning our mindset with who we have become.
Reinventing yourself doesn’t mean you have to throw everything out and start over. Instead, it can be an iterative process of examining your identity, experiences, and cultural conditioning to pinpoint how these things have shaped who you are and your outlook on life. In doing so, you start recognizing what works, what doesn’t, and where your strengths lie. From this framework, you can explore all possible paths forward and choose a future that will be meaningful and satisfying to you.
The interesting thing about reinvention is that it is necessary and achievable for everyone. It doesn’t matter how old you are, what gender you identify with, or what circumstances you face. However, to reinvent yourself, you need to adopt a growth mindset. You must surrender to the process and step outside your comfort zone to live the life that is right for you.
Let’s look at some strategies.
How to Reinvent Yourself: 6 Tips for the Journey
Although I wish I could give you a step-by-step process for your reinvention journey, it’s rarely linear. Instead, it is more of a cycle.
Reinventing yourself involves becoming aware of everything contributing to your discomfort and deciding what is true, what isn’t, and what that means for your life choices. Then, you align your new viewpoint with your personal and professional goals to create an action plan. This process inevitably leads to new revelations or levels of awareness that start the cycle all over again. Below are a few tips my clients find helpful.
1. Acknowledge, Experience, and Reflect on Your Feelings
Some situations that prompt us to reinvent ourselves can be painful, especially when they are thrust upon us and leave us disappointed. Be patient and compassionate with yourself, and take the time to feel whatever you are feeling. You may need to grieve what you are leaving behind, whether it is a job, a person, a version of yourself, or a belief that is no longer (or never was) true. And you may need to do that before, during, and throughout your reinvention process.
2. Expand Your Mindset to All Possibilities
Once you are ready to move forward, consider what you wish to change. When I start working with someone new, one of the first exercises we do helps them understand that anything is possible. That is critical to our work together.
For example, if someone enters the reinvention process with a narrow view of success or happiness, they will perceive anything short of that as a failure. This viewpoint means they must execute their plan with utmost precision, creating pressure that would make anyone miserable.
In this situation, I would help them reframe what it means to experience those things. In doing so, they become aware of a broader range of possibilities. This exercise is tremendously helpful, especially to people who don’t know exactly what they want. By expanding their definition of success or happiness, they begin to create a vision and open themselves up to evolving into something even better than what they could imagine.
3. Give Yourself the Gift of Time
As Einstein stated, time is relative – our perception of time depends on our frame of reference. Many people feel impatient when reinvention doesn’t happen immediately and give up within a month. But once you accept that reinventing yourself is a process and you have the rest of your life to do it, a sense of ease will set in as you surrender to the experience.
When I guide people through a transformative journey, they often check in later to share how their lives have changed. More often than not, they also tell me that the coaching was simply a catalyst for a longer process. Even clients who manage a rapid reinvention (within six months) report that the change had been a “long time coming.” They just needed the right tools to make it happen.
4. Reimagine Your Stories
We have all had a mix of good and bad experiences that influence our outlook and choices in life. Examining these experiences and reframing those narratives can be a powerful way to reinvent yourself.
For instance, if you are considering a career change but are hesitant to take the plunge, jot down all the stories you are telling yourself about that potential change. Then, dissect each one to determine where it came from and whether it’s still true for you today.
Perhaps you selected your current path because it was the “safe” route – a job you knew how to do or a choice that satisfied your family’s expectations. Put another way, you compromised. If you acknowledge that this is what happened and that your life is different now, it will be easier to permit yourself to pursue other avenues.
5. Explore Possibilities on a Small Scale
I mentioned earlier that reinvention doesn’t require a complete do-over but a series of iterations throughout your life. In this vein, it can help to make changes one at a time. Look for opportunities to try things on for size, giving yourself a safe place to experiment and make mistakes before going full bore.
For example, when parents drop their children off at college, many feel a sense of emptiness and start looking for ways to fill that space. However, remember that these moments, though uncomfortable, are an opportunity. Before you rush into any commitments, take time to explore who you have become and how that might influence your next steps. Then, try a few things before committing to ensure that whatever you do next is rewarding.
6. Give Yourself Permission to be Uncomfortable and Ask for Support
Everyone struggles with change, so be kind to yourself as you explore the possibilities and take mental breaks when you need them. Discomfort is normal. It means you are going through a meaningful change.
However, you don’t have to do it alone. Find a friend to confide in, an advisor or therapist, or even a transformational coach to help you navigate the journey. When you tell others about what you are trying to do, you’ll find it easier to stay on course because they will hold you accountable.
The Bottom Line
Learning how to reinvent yourself isn’t an exercise in self-indulgence. It is a necessary skill that will help you adapt to our changing world, remain gainfully employed for as long as you wish, and live a happy and fulfilling life. It is also a vital skill for any leader who must help their team navigate and drive systemic change. If the idea of doing this alone feels overwhelming, don’t hesitate to ask for help.
Editor’s Note: This blog post was originally published in April 2021 and then updated for accuracy and thoroughness in September 2024.
